


DECEIT

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe, M/M, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-03-27
Updated: 2009-07-26
Packaged: 2018-09-03 10:54:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8709664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: “When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving one's self, and one always ends by deceiving others. That is what world calls a romance.”Oscar Wilde





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** not beta'ed  
>  if anyone's willing to take the post, holler

He doesn't know what is wrong with him anymore. He thought he did. He thought he knew it all. That there wasn't anything that he didn't know.

 

But as he stood there on the porch, watching the sun go down...he realized something. He realized that he didn't know shit about anything. That all he knew was a lie. It had all been that. A fucking game. Someone playing with him for their own fun.

 

_'I wonder, why me?? What did I do to deserve it?'_ He didn't know. But he wished to god that he knew. Perhaps then he could hold out the hope of at least finding peace some day again. 

 

Right now? Peace seemed like an illusion to him.Something he's supposed to know, or at least supposed to have known, but it seemed like a stranger to him. Allusive.

 

He turned his head slightly as he felt a presence come up behind him. Jensen. The one constant thing he has left. Who's still here...after all the shit that had gone down. Who doesn't expect anything from him. Just lends 

his support . And that's about all he can take for now.

 

He doesn't know if he'll ever be able to tell him just how much he means to him. How much he has helped him to get through these past few months. That if it hadn't been for him, he wouldn't be here. But the words just refused to come.

 

It wasn't that he didn't trust him. Hell, if he didn't trust him, why would he be accepting Jensen's kind offer of letting him stay in his home? But something inside him refused to be in another person's debt again. Once was more than enough, thank you very much.

 

He snorted hearing himself. _'Once Jay? Once? You sure seem to have a selective memory. And what about living in this house, taking advantage of his kindness, his generosity?'_ Jared tells the voice inside his head to just shut up. But even after the silence that followed, he could hear his own voice taunting him, mocking and laughing at him. He wants to bash his head in...just to

make it stop, to stop everything once and for all.

 

But he can't. He can't keep doing it to Jensen. he couldn't lay that guilt on his friend's shoulders. His friend already blamed himself for everything that happened. For not figuring out what was going on before everything went down. It would drown him if he wasn't able to save Jared from himself, after doing all he could the last few months to keep his head above the water.

 

No, he couldn't do it. Wouldn't. But god, it was so hard. So hard to have to live to see the sun rise on a new day. Some days' it felt like a hardship to get himself up from the bed even. He didn't want to face another day, didn't want to continue remembering, to see it all replaying in his mind in a loop.

 

He jolted when a hand touched the small of his back, pulling him out of the hell which had become his mind. His first instinct was to pull away, but he didn't want to hurt his friend. To get the idea that he was rejecting him. He wasn't, but he wasn't comfortable with human contact either. Not anymore.He doesn't think he will be, not for a long time to come.

 

"Why don't you come in , Jay? It's getting cold out here." Jensen asked him softly, as if he didn't want to disturb the tranquil atmosphere.

 

"In a while, okay?"

 

Jensen nodded before going inside. Jared finished off the coffee he was holding in his hand. It had gone lukewarm, but he didn't mind. He looked around him once more.

 

It was supposed to be peaceful here, and perhaps it would have been, before. He could hear the waves crashing against the rock wall to his right. And the gentle rhythm of it washing over the beach. He felt the wind on his face and closed his eyes...searching within himself for that 'peace'. But it kept eluding him. Whenever he felt

like he could almost feel it, that it was just within his grasp, his mind conjured up something ugly, disrupting the feeling.

 

He finally gave up and headed inside. He could hear Jensen in the kitchen so he headed there where he found him chopping some vegetables, getting dinner ready. Jared put his now empty mug in the sink, and went to help Jensen prepare their meal.

 

They worked in silence, not feeling the need to disrupt the quiet. Jared felt comfortable moving around Jensen, and hoped that someday soon he would feel the same about moving among other people too. For now, he was content to know that at least there was one person with whom he felt at ease. That would have to be enough, for now.

 

***********

 

"I have to go to the mainland tomorrow. I might have to be there for a couple of days." Jensen paused, looking over at Jared, who was nibbling on his food. Jared raised his head from the plate to look over at his friend. He could almost hear the unasked question hanging thick in the air between them.

 

"I'll be fine Jen, I promise." he held Jensen's gaze, letting him see that he meant what he said. There wasn't going to be a repeat performance of the last time.

 

"You sure?" Jensen asked anxiously.

 

"Yes, I'm sure. I may not be there completely yet Jen, but I'm getting there. alright? I'm gonna be fine."

 

Jensen kept looking at him before finally giving him a nod and going back to his food. So Jared went back to eating his dinner. He didn't really have an appetite for anything anymore. But the least he could do was eat for Jensen, cause otherwise he would just worry more.

 

They finished eating the rest of the meal in silence, neither one bothering with unnecessary small talk.

 

When he finished his meal, Jared took the empty plates and carried them over to the dishwasher.

 

"Jen..."

 

"Yeah?" Jensen asked, eyebrow raising in question.

 

"Um...so I'm gonna head over and take a shower, okay?"

 

Jensen nodded before turning his attention back to his plate. Jared stared at his friend for a while, wanting to say something but not knowing what, before he headed back upstairs.

 

**************

 

The hot shower felt good on his back, and he felt his muscles relaxing underneath the spray. 

 

After finishing with the shower, he wrapped a towel around his waist before moving into the bedroom. He went to take out some clothes from the closet when he stopped. His gaze inexplicably drawn to the person in the mirror. 

 

Without conscious thought he felt his hands creep up his chest,tracing the long jagged scar running across his chest. There were other, much smaller cuts scattered all over his chest and back. Some barely even scarring, just small white lines telling their own stories. Speaking their own tongue. Reminding him of things he wished he could erase from his memory altogether.

 

Jared pulled himself up, drawing his strength around him like an armor, locking away the painful memories in the back of his mind, where they belonged. He knew that he couldn't hide from his own mind, but at least for a few hours a day he could pretend. He might not be able to control them when asleep, but he'd be damned if he'd let them loose while he had a say about it when awake.

 

Jared tore his gaze away from the broken man staring back at him from the mirror, and went over to take some clothes. After pulling the t-shirt over his head and dragging on loose pajama pants, he stepped out onto the porch.

 

He sat down in the lounge chair on the deck facing the sea. The wind had picked up by nightfall, and he could hear the rustling of the leaves. It was soothing, so he closed his eyes and leaned back in the chair. 

 

The sounds around him seemed to sharpen when he closed his eyes and he could hear Jensen inhaling deeply. He didn't have to open his eyes to see the cigarette dangling in his mouth, tip glowing red with each drag. He could smell the smoke mixed up among the scents of the sea.

 

Another day gone. A new day would begin in a few hours. He didn't know what he was going to do. Two days he's gonna be alone, and he has no idea what he would do. He didn't want to be left alone to his thoughts. Perhaps something would come to him. Perhaps....


	2. Chapter 2

  
Author's notes: sorry it took me so long to post it and that it's so short  
and i got me a beta ;-D  
thanks to DeansSceneLova  


* * *

One minute he was a safe distance across the room, just staring at him, the next he was pulling him out of his

chair. The whole classroom letting out a collective gasp.

 

His protest was cut short as one of those giant hands circled around his waist, pulling him closer to the broad chest, while the other threaded itself in his hair, pulling his head back.

 

Then those lips closed over his.

 

Just like that, he was there. Hard against him, claiming and branding and tasting and asking before he could make a coherent thought.

 

Or even protest.

 

Or breathe for that matter.

 

He was drowning before he'd even seen the tidal wave hit.And boy, did it hit. Wave after wave after wave of pleasure coursed through his body.Temptation and sweet, sinful seduction dragged him under blissful.....

 

"Drooling again pervert?"

 

Jared started, the spell breaking around him. Though he could still almost feel those lips on his, taking ownership.He felt hot all over. "Shut up, Ackles."

 

"Aw, is the Sasquatch blushing. How..."

 

Before he could finish the sentence he was being tackled by all six foot and four inches of Padalecki. "If you dare open your mouth again, i swear I'm gonna kill you, roomie or not." Jared threatened the guy underneath him. He was seriously gonna throttle the guy one of these days.

 

"I never should have said anything to you." Jared grumbled.

 

"Aw, don't be like that. But seriously dude, why not fuck the guy already?"

 

"You serious?" Jared asked his friend incredulously. There was no way he was gonna talk about the crush he seems to be having on the captain of the basketball team and the one guy who has got to be taller than him to boot.The guy was most likely as straight as they came anyway, and he so did not want his ass handed back to him. He liked it just fine the way it was.

 

"Come on, what have you got to lose, huh? I mean, who wouldn't wanna tap that ass?" Jensen asked giving him a

lewd grin, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

 

"HAHA, that might have held some credit if you didn't just happen to be, uh, yes, straight and scoring with all the

hot chicks. And wipe that grin off your face, that looks downright creepy."

 

"Hey now, no need to hurt a guy's feeling just because you don't feel the same way. I have very tender feeling too, you know. And you may have bruised my poor tender ego."

 

"Tender my ass." Jared said in amusement before he started to tickle his very sensitive friend. He so got his revenge, hearing his friend squealing like a girl. One of these days he was going to record it and distribute it to the whole campus.

 

After he felt he had punished him enough, Jared got up and helped his friend up. Who was currently wheezing through his nose and holding on to his sides.

 

"You don't play fair, warn a guy next time, would ya?"

 

"Huh, where's the fun in that? So how was your date?" Jared asked as he undressed down to his boxers before climbing into his bed.

 

"Boring. I mean seriously dude, there's no way she's not brain-dead."

 

"Then why do you go out with all the dumb ones?"

 

"Good point."

 

"Dude....."

 

"I'm thinking."

 

"About?"

 

"Any girl I know who can hold down a conversation in addition to having a hot bod."

 

"You're gonna be thinking about this the whole night, aren't ya?" Jared asked, shaking his head at his friend. "I'm going to sleep." He said with a yawn.

 

"Goodnight, Jare."

 

"Goodnight, Jen."

 

Jared fell asleep listening to the night settling around outside in the dorm. He dreamed of DJ, of him finally noticing him, realizing he felt the same way about Jared as Jared did about him. He dreamed about settling down with the love of his life and being surrounded by a white

picket fence and 2.5 kids.

 

It was a pleasant dream while it lasted anyway.


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey, Jared, it's Jared right?" A voice startled him out of his musings and he turned around to see who it was. He felt his heart stutter to a standstill when he laid his eyes on none other than his crush, live, in the flesh, standing right before him.

 

It was quite painful when it started up again, hammering away inside him. He was sure he gaping like a fish out of water, but damn if he could get his body to function like a normal human being. He tried to nod his head, but felt like a puppet being jerked and winced inwardly.

 

He was making a complete fool out of himself. Jared felt like crying. No way was this fair.

 

"Hey, you alright man?"

 

Jared wheezed through his nose, trying to breathe again. He turned back around and started to walk off...before he made a bigger fool out

of himself. When he felt a hand land on his shoulder he took off like bats out of hell. He was never going to live this down.

 

***************

 

Jared was doing his assignments, when Jensen came back.

 

"You okay dude?"

 

Jared nodded, morosely staring at the books in-front of him. "I fucked up man."

 

"What happened?"

 

"I shot down my one chance of happily ever after, that's what happened." Jared spoke without looking up.

 

"Move over, drama queen."Jensen said as he perched himself on the edge of Jared's seat. He threw his hand over his mate's shoulder and pulled him into a one-sided hug."Come on, it ain't the end of the world. Tell Uncle Sam what happened."

 

"He came up to me and talked. On his own. And I ran away." Jared said miserably. Jensen didn't need to ask who 'he' was. "I'm a moron."

 

"Hey, think on the bright side man, apparently the dude initiated it, right? Must mean he got something he wanted to say to you. I'm sure he would come up to talk to you about whatever it was."

 

"You think?"

 

"I'm sure. Now stop your moping. You better make plans on not running as if your ass's on fire next time, huh?"

 

Jensen squeezed his shoulders once more before getting back up. Jared slumped further down in his chair. Hating himself for messing up what might have been his only chance of ever talking to DJ.

 

***********

 

The next day he was lying on the bleachers, the events of the day replaying in his mind. He had seen DJ in the cafeteria during lunch, but had been too much of a coward to go up to him and say anything. DJ had been sitting with the other the snobs of the school. He had looked over at him, but Jared had quickly ducked his head, hoping the guy hadn't noticed him staring at him like a lovesick fool.

 

Now he opened his eyes when someone blocked his light, throwing him in shadow. And there he was.

 

Jared felt his heart stop and start it's erratic beat again. Quickly he stood up to sit on the seat. "Sorry about the other day." Jared mumbled.

 

"It's okay. Was it something I said?" DJ asked softly.

 

Jared shook his head, his bangs falling over his eyes with the motion. He didn't bother pushing it back. It gave him more coverage anyway.

 

"Just wasn't your day, huh?"

 

Jared looked up when DJ sat down beside him. The guy was beautiful up-close. Straight jet black hair cropped short and standing in spikes. Long dark lashes fanning deep blue eyes. Jared felt like singing poetry to describe the beauty of the man sitting beside him.

 

"Something on my face?"

 

Jared blushed crimson as he realized he had been openly staring at him. Jared shook his head again, looking down.

 

"It's okay you know. I find myself doing the same."

 

Jared looked up confused.

 

"I like you too. And you're quite easy on the eyes yourself." DJ clarified at his questioning look. "And you blush so prettily." He said teasingly.

 

Jared blushed again, right on cue.

 

"So, I wanted to ask you something. Um...me and my buddies, we're throwing a party, and I would love for you to come with me, as my date." DJ asked hesitating.

 

Jared stared at him, dumbfounded. No way had he been just asked out on a date with the man of his dreams. He surely had fallen asleep while lying down on the bleachers and was in one of his habitual dreams. He pinched himself hard just to make sure and promptly yelped in pain. Damn that hurt.

 

"So...?"

 

"Yes," Jared croaked, clearing his throat before continuing, "I would love to."

 

"Great." DJ grinned, looking relieved and Jared beamed back, a blush staining his treacherous face. "So I pick you up...?"

 

Jared nodded his head. "So I'll see you tonight at 8, okay." With a flick of his wrist imitating a wave, DJ hopped down from the bleachers and jogged back to his friends, who were standing by the show-off cars.

 

Jared felt doubts creeping up on him. He wasn't ever going to measure up to those pompous asses. They were never gonna accept him even as a date. And maybe DJ was doing it just to humiliate him in-front of everyone anyway.

 

Just then DJ turned back around to look at him one last time after opening the door on the drivers side. He smiled and waved before getting inside and driving off . Jared waved back. His gloomy thought abandoned. To heck with everything. He didn't care what they thought of him anyway. So long as DJ was interested.

 

The walk back to his dorm was passed in a daze. He didn't even realize he had reached his room until Jensen started swinging his arms in-front of him like a mad man . "What, you high or something dude?"

 

"Hah, very funny." Jensen muttered sarcastically. "So what's got into you man? I could have hit you with a bat and you'd probably not have noticed."

 

"He asked me out." Jared started babbling about his meeting with DJ without further prompt. Jensen listened to his friend going on and on about the dude.

 

He didn't mind, really. Had it been anyone else, by now he'd probably have been ready to crawl up the walls. But with Jared, none of his rules mattered. He could bitch, moan, whine all day, or go on one of his excited babbles, and Jensen would listen. And he knew Jared would do the same for him.

 

Jared was always a bundle of energy with him. But out in public he shut up quicker than you could blink. It wasn't that he was shy, rather that he was nervous of rejection and didn't wanna set himself up for more hurt. And no one knew better than Jensen that he had bloody good reason to be.

 

He felt the same old familiar anger bubble up and quickly shut his thoughts. They never led to a good place. He tuned into his friend's excitement and hugged him. "I'm happy for you, buddy. You sure this is what you want?" Jensen whispered.

 

Jared nodded his head beaming like a beacon. "Never been more sure Jen. But I'm damn nervous." He grinned sheepishly.

 

"Whatcha got to be nervous about? You're gonna knock him on his pretty ass." He said grinning back. "Everything's gonna be fine Jare." He said more seriously.

 

"I know."

 

"That's the spirit, my boy." Jensen mockingly patted his head.

 

*************

 

Jared was on tenterhooks by the time 8 o'clock rolled around. His earlier doubts dogging at his heels. Jensen kept reassuring him that he looked fine. After all, he had chosen the clothes.

 

Jared shook his head at his friend. Modesty was certainly not on his list of characteristics. Whatever, he had to admit the black shirt and jeans suited him. He didn't want to overdress, and besides he knew that whatever he wore would never compare with the labels the others would be wearing.

 

On the dot he heard a car draw up. He looked at his friend, who gave him a thumbs up, before rushing down the stairs. DJ was leaning back against his Lamborghini Murciélago LP 650-4 Roadster.

 

Jared couldn't help the whistle that passed through his lips. Sonofabitch. That was one beauty sitting all pretty in-front of him. He couldn't keep his eyes from roaming over the sleek gray lines.

 

"I thought it was me you were going out with." Jared looked up to see DJ was pouting. He blushed, realizing he had ignored the man. Damn if he didn't take away his breath all over again.

 

He was all dressed up in a deep blue silk shirt, which reflected his eyes. The dark slacks he was wearing molding against him. Jared raised his head up to look into those beautiful eyes and found DJ giving him the same once-over he had been giving him. He blushed again and groaned to himself.

 

"You look good enough to eat." DJ growled, his eyes burning bright with lust. Jared flushed all over before he mumbled something about him looking pretty good himself. Seriously, could you blame him if his brain got scrambled and he couldn't form a more coherent response?

 

"Shall we go?" DJ asked, straightening up from his slouch. He opened the door for Jared. His arms brushed against DJ's as he got in and he felt them tingling where it had been in contact with the walking advertisement of lust personified.

 

DJ got in behind the wheel before he took off. Jared sank into his plush seat, enjoying the feel and smell of the Nero Perseus leather. He had lusted after this car since the first time he had seen it and he couldn't believe that he was actually sitting in one.

 

Jared felt the wind whipping through his hair and it felt like heaven for him. DJ turned his head slightly, when they had to stop at the light and smiled, seeing Jared's excitement. "You really love this car, huh!!"

 

Jared forgot about all his inhibitions as he started on about his love for the car. By the time they reached the place where the party was being thrown, he was still going on about it. Jared shut up when he realized they had reached the place, his earlier nervousness returning. He combed his fingers through his hair nervously, trying to return it into a semblance of order.

 

Before he knew it, DJ was opening his door and grabbing his hands and holding them tight. He made sure Jared was looking at him when he spoke, "It's gonna be fine, okay? They know better than to give you a hard time. Now smile for me?"

 

Jared tried to relax and smiled. He was sure it came out more as a grimace. But hey, he tried, that counted right?

 

DJ didn't let go of his hands as he walked the path down to the beach front Villa. He could feel the music pumping through the floorboard beneath his feet as soon as he entered the place. He had only gone once with Jensen to such a party, but it hadn't been his scene. He had been too nervous to really enjoy himself.

 

Now he was dragged around by the hands lying lightly on the small of his back, being introduced to all DJ's friends. He didn't have much to say so he just kept on smiling. All he could concentrate on was the hands touching him. He swore he could feel electricity zinging through him where those hands rested on him.

 

DJ plopped down on a couch at a secluded corner, dragging Jared down with him. Jared could feel himself sinking into the seat and he tried to move, ending up tight against DJ. He stilled, hoping against hope that DJ wouldn't move away.

 

He didn't. Instead he threw an arm on the back of the couch, carding his fingers through Jared's hair. He leant in, nuzzling his neck. Jared felt his heart stutter to a halt. His breath stuck in his throat.

 

"You smell good babes." Jared felt himself unconsciously stretching his neck to the side, giving more room for access. He could feel DJ's lips ghosting over his neck, nuzzling behind his ears.He playfully bit the earlobes' and Jared couldn't help the moan that passed his lips.

 

"Wanna grab a beer?"

 

Jared nodded, following DJ to where the beverage was kept. His legs still felt shaky from the experience. He has known for a long time now that he preferred guys, but he had never had the courage to get it on with anyone. So this was a first for him.

 

DJ grabbed his hand and started towards the sliding doors leading outside. There were some lounge chairs scattered outside on the deck. He made Jared lie down on one before following him down and lying beside him.

 

Jared settled himself in DJ's warm embrace. It didn't feel weird to be so comfortable in a stranger's embrace. He didn't feel like a stranger to him. Since the first time he had seen DJ, who had just transferred to the college, Jared hadn't had eyes for anyone but him. He was sure there were a million dreams-worlds he had imagined featuring the guy.

 

"You enjoying yourself Jare?"

 

"I feel good when I'm with you." Jared said honestly.

 

Neither of them felt much like socializing. So they stayed there, talking about inconsequential stuff and drinking their beer. Jared fell asleep sometime near midnight, not used to staying up so late. The gentle rythum of the waves and the wind, coupling with the steady thud of DJ's heartbeat underneath his ear lulling him into sleep.

 

He didn't see the gentle gaze looking down at his face, lax in sleep. Didn't feel the chaste kiss pressed on his slightly parted lips or DJ pulling him up tighter, flushing their bodies together. But he dreamed of the man in whose arms he lay. Like always and forever.


End file.
